I am a big fan of the urban gossip blogs and lately, the number of posts concerning prominent black female artists and their involvement with married men seem to be increasing. These artists seem to get some sort of “pass” for getting involved with married men. In fact, the number of regular women dating married men is becoming all too common. The blatant indifference toward a man’s marital status on the dating scene is a problem.
Women are settling for married men. If you are a complete and accomplished woman with a lot to offer, then why settle for someone that doesn’t belong to you? Why would you want to borrow someone’s spouse for an evening? As women, we need to understand that we are very deserving of something better. We don’t have to settle for anything less than what is owed to us. We are teaching the men how to treat us, and from the jump, we are saying to the men: “Your way works for me, even if it’s demeaning to me and I come up short on my end.”
Women are completely in control of their love lives. I often hear women shrug off responsibility for their actions, attempting to justify them. There’s no justification for this behavior, it’s just inappropriate. Here are the top excuses I often hear:
- “I’m not married, he is.”
- “We’re not really serious.”
- “They’re separated.”
- “They were having problems before I even got in this picture.”
- “It’s not my fault he prefers me to her.”
- “He came on to me.”
- “If she were handling her business …”
Ladies, you are responsible for your actions. Accept your messiness and own it. Adults accept their role in whatever predicament they land in. As a grown woman, know that dating a married man is immature and tacky. You are responsible for your actions.
If you are dating a married man, know that you are sowing a dangerous seed. I believe that there is someone out there for everyone. By keeping company with the wrong men, you may be getting in your own way of finding the right one. This pattern of behavior has its share of consequences. Consider how you’d feel if you found the perfect guy in the future (after a past of dating married men), ended up marrying him, only to have him step out on your marriage. Karma is something else, don’t forget that.
Remember, he is sending you a message when he continues to pursue you, even though he is married. Pay attention ladies, here’s what he is saying:
- “I can’t control myself.”
- “I’m selfish, I want what I want.”
- “I run from my problems.”
- “I’m not accountable for my actions.”
- “I deserve multiple women.”
- “I don’t respect you enough to resolve the issue of my marital status, prior to pursuing you.”
- “I’m not reliable.”
- “You’ll settle for anything I give you.”
- “I like chaos and I don’t mind drama, nor do I mind sucking you into it.”
- “I’m immature.”
He could be sending you a combination of these messages with his actions. Pay attention to these signals, a man will tell you exactly who he is in through his actions toward you.
It’s great for the ego to believe that somehow things will turn out different because the two of you have something “unique.” Just know that at some point, you will want a relationship of substance. And know that when you graduate from that scandalous class of women, there will be a ripe crop of women out there to take your place. The tables will have turned and the day is fast-approaching where you’ll reap what you have sown. As Wendy Williams would say, how you get them is how you keep them. You’ll be held accountable for your actions some day. It always works out that way. Ladies, you deserve better, don’t settle for less than what you deserve.
